Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
