At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
