Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
