my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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