I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
