i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence