yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory