I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
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Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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You may now shotgun with the bride
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄