I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
