im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't deserve a penis
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list