so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
