i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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