She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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