I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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