omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
