He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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