i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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