And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
