If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
