oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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