Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
