Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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