proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
