I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
