A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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