i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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