And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
