Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
