I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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