I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
