got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
