so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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