Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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