He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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