I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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