my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
