Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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