WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
