Will you blow on my dice?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Are my feet made of real feet?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
