The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
