I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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