legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
