is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
