I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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