Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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