Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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