Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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