I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
