I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My feet surprised me
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