And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
