We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
