My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
