I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
