i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
