Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
