1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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