Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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