I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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