Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize