note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Bring me that man meat
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize