So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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