I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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