my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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