peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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