its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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