Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
