the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
