Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
