Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize