So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
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WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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