dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
