you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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