you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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