my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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