You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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