Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the day after is always just damage control
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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