I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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