singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
