Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i believe in u and ur pee
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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