I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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