omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
