Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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