It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
