She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
