The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
