if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
