i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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