she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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