i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
